is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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