Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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