could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
