We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
