I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
