He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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