The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
