T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
