I puked a lego.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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