Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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