it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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