John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
