she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
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We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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