awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize