omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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