Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
