I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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