Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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