Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize