I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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