I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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