Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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