I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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