I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize