first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize