i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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