This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
