a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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