Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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