did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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