Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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