??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
