____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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