i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
