I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
