oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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