Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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