Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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