now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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