omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
