I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
