his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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