i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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