My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
