guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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