Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
