boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
