I love watching others lives come down to our level.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
