what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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