I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
