I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
