K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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