Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
