there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
