I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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