420 ftw
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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