somebody snuck up and got me drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
