so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
