We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
