OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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