I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
