its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
