Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
