Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
