News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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