guys are only as good as the porn they watch
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize