I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
